| 02.12.2009 |
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| Uli Hoeness' ascension last week to the uppermost regions of Bayerrn Munich executive heaven meant not just, as cliche-happy analysts gleefully pointed out, the end of an era, but a potential devastating loss for German football fans. For decades, the former striker and sausage manufacturer has been the Bundesliga's best ranter and raver. Who can count the times that Hoeness glared into a camera, his face turning scarlet and veins popping out of his neck, to berate officials, players and - above all - journalists. His tirades were the highlight of many a weekend. Who, if anyone, was going to step to fill the enormous gap he was leaving behind? Enter Stuttgart commercial manager Horst Heldt. After watching his team passively concede two goals in the first half of their match against Leverkusen on Sunday, the diminutive ex-midfielder stopped on the touchline to preview the riot act he was about to read his players in the dressing room. "We're stupid and playing crap," Heldt fumed. "We're seventeenth in the table and trying to play back-heel, tip-of-the-toes, one-two-three football. It's an utter catastrophe. What some of the players are putting on display is completely unacceptable. The best thing would be for the coach to substitute out all eleven of them." I've toned down the translation somewhat top avoid offending the Ned Flanders faction, but you get the idea. This was a verbal smackdown in the best Hoeness tradition, on the mark, fun to watch and replete with the physical signs of a man whose head seemed to be in serious danger of exploding and scattering grey matter on the camera lens. Stuttgart came out and played an equally listless second half, eventually losing 4-nil. If they keep up that form, we can expect to enjoy many more Heldt outbursts in the weeks and months to come. |
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