| 16.10.2009 |
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| Well, well, well. By now I think we’ve all heard about the Argentina coach’s little outburst after the Gauchos finally secured qualification for the World Cup. Lots of people have come down hard on Maradona for telling critics to perform an act on him that’s illegal throughout much of the Muslim world and the southern United States. A bit hypocritically in my opinion. I’ve used roughly the same expression on the odd occasion after someone riled me up, and Maradona was speaking after a thrilling 1-nil win with virtually everything at stake. You just wish Diego had been a bit more inventive in his choice of words. So if he ever finds himself in a similar situation, I suggest he use the following pre-prepared speech. “Esteemed representatives of the press, we all know that no coach is above criticism, but considering the personalities involved I would respectfully suggest that you produce a fifteen-foot-high statue of my genitalia, cast in 24 karat gold, before which you genuflect, every morning, prior to any questioning of my acumen in the sport I played and you did not. I may appear to mortal eyes to be little more than a bloated, drug-addled fool, but I would call to mind that these are not just any family jewels we are talking about, but in fact the Member of God, the reproductive organs attached to a man who scored the Goal of the Century and spent more money on cocaine than any of you are likely to see in a lifetime. If, after an appropriate period of silent prayer at the altar of my manhood, you still feel the need to criticize my job performance, you can all $=&() my !/$%&. Love, Diego” Now that would be a press conference. Unfortunately, footballers are rarely so articulate, as Germany’s Lukas Podolski – and here we go from the sublime to the ridiculous – showed in commenting on Germany 1-1 draw against Finland on Wednesday. When asked what outweighed the other, his relief at scoring a face-saving equalizer or his dismay that Germany nearly lost at home to a rank outsider, Poldolski answered… …”Both.” |
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